Holiday Realities

Our Nantucket Holiday Wreath

I have mixed feelings on the holiday season,  especially these days.  I grew up celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah.  My mother had converted to Judaism before she married my Dad (and there's a whole other story there as I found out years later that my mother had never told her parents that she had converted!),  but as the only grandchildren for her parents, we were destined to reap the benefits of Christmas and my brother and I certainly did... My grandparents lived in an old farmhouse in New Hampshire.... a perfect place to celebrate Christmas....the house was full of nooks and crannies which my Grandparents filled perfectly with Christmas decorations,  and my brother and I looked forward to seeing those traditional holiday touches every year.  The house was surrounded by acres of wooded land so we would tromp around in the woods with Grandpa to find the perfect tree.   My grandmother was not really  the warm and fuzzy type but she was an extremely hard worker and meticulous about details so everything was always perfectly in its place and a wide assortment of  holiday food and treats were always present including the spectacular Christmas Day feast.  


 And then there were our Christmas stockings........I don't think anyone could stuff a stocking like my  grandmother...... my brother and I each had an over-sized sock that my Grandmother had originally knitted for my Grandfather.... (where did those socks go anyway?)...... Truly I looked forward to my stocking above all other gifts.  In my minds eye I can still see my brother and I sitting there on the small couch facing the fireplace staring at those wonderfully over- stuffed stockings, not even allowing ourselves to touch them as we kept one eye on the George Washington banjo clock that was on the wall over the larger couch on the other side of the living room (incidentally, I have inherited that clock and I still think of Christmas morning every time I look at it).  We were not allowed to wake the grown-ups until 7am and my brother and I were the epitome of self-discipline as we sat side by side on that couch waiting for the minutes and seconds to countdown to 7..... an excruciatingly lengthy process..... but always worth the wait.... 


Hanukkah was a much lower key affair but we had certain traditions we always stuck to with this holiday as well.   My favorite was the ridiculously silly gifts that my Dad was in charge of getting.....  We always lit the menorah in our own home.... our Jewish relatives all lived in Cincinnati and as far as I can remember, we never celebrated Hanukkah with them so it was always a very intimate family celebration.... it it's own way as much anticipated as the splashier Christmas. 


And now, as a grown-up myself, I've spent many years of my early adulthood trying to recreate all or even part of what I can remember from my childhood...... and feeling vaguely disappointed when I (inevitably) didn't succeed.   As I grew into middle-age adulthood I gradually stopped trying to compete with the holidays of my younger days and I have learned to combine our own traditions with a few select traditions from my (and my husband's) childhood holidays.    In reality, nothing is going to compete with those childhood memories which have inevitably become even more "magical" as the years pile on since those days.... 


My brother's and my children (a son, Aaron, and daughter, Emmajane for my brother.. and our son Parker,) are now well into their teens.    Those years when they believed fully in the whole Santa thing are long gone.   We have had some wonderful holidays as recently as last year which was our last in Vermont.   Parker had some very specific expectations for this Christmas and was very assertive about achieving them.... reminding me a bit of my New Hampshire grandmother.......and our last Christmas in Vermont was one of our best.......


This year will be our first holiday season while living on Nantucket.  We have spent a couple of earlier Christmases here with Henry, his kids, my parents, and us.... including one amazing year when we actually had 8 inches of snow fall on Christmas Eve....and this year we'll be here until Christmas Eve and then headed out to the mainland for a couple of days to spend time with Peter's brother and family and my brother and family (in his new home..... an old farmhouse.... shades of my grandparents!)  


And so... the holiday realities are this.... those childhood memories can never be duplicated and what's more important, we shouldn't even try........ What is working for me..... is remembering those times with great fondness and then letting go, moving on to combine a couple of key "old family" traditions with those that we create ourselves.... and continue to create as our lives move forward.... Now if only I could find those stockings that my Grandmother knitted.....